Did you ever think you nailed an interview, but then didn’t get the job?

My friend thought he was fantastic at job interviews. But he wasn’t.

I used to work at Boston University College of Communication’s Career Development Center, so people come to me all the time asking for advice on their resumes, cover letters, and interview skills.

Recently, I helped a close friend with his resume, and he landed an interview for his dream job as a Technical Analyst at Accenture.

Now, he’s one of the smartest people I know, and his skill-set and creative problem-solving abilities made a perfect fit for the job. But he was coming right out of college, and the company was looking at hundreds of other applicants from top universities to fill only 4 positions. 

But we fixed up his resume, he landed the interview and did all of the technical research and prep.

He thought he was ready for the interview, but he wasn’t.

I conducted a practice interview with him the night before the real thing.

About two questions into the practice interview I stopped him. Two questions in I could tell he wasn’t going to get the job if he interviewed the way he was right now.

“Let’s stop here and try something different,” I said. “You told me you thought you were a really strong interviewer. What do you think makes you a strong interviewer?”

I knew what he was going to say. Students would come into the Career Development Center every day and say the same thing. 

And the thing they thought was a strength was actually preventing them from getting the job.

“Well, I’m an actor. I do theatre for fun so I’m a really confident performer. I’m good at pretending.”

DING, DING, DING! 

“I’m a really confident performer. I’m good at pretending.”

Now, a lot of you may know me as DHD the video girl from Drift, the screenwriter from IT MOVES IT, or the Creative Director of Epiq Media. But before I was any of those things, I was first and foremost an actor. Crazy, right?! I even studied at The Stella Adler Conservatory for Acting and was the President of Boston University’s Theatre group back in the day.

(Here’s proof! -> )

And yes. I am about to compare acting and job interviews. But not at all for the reason you’re expecting 😉.

One of the BIGGEST misconceptions about acting is that acting is pretending. Good acting is actually living truthfully.

The great acting experts like Stanislavski, Stella Adler, and Stanford Meisner all came to the conclusion that great acting craft and technique comes from understanding so fully what it’s like to be another person that you’re not lying or pretending. The best actors are 100% truthful.

The same idea applies to job interviews.

Candidates, especially young ones, go into job interviews and think they need to put on a show. They see it as a performance where their end goal is simply to impress the interviewer and leave them with the impression that your skills and experience are far superior to anyone else that could possibly walk into the interview room.

But here’s the problem. If you’re 22 years old, that’s probably not the case. So, when you walk into your interview and try to put on a show and be someone your not, or overplay your skills and experience, chances are, the interviewer is going to see right through you, and you’re not going to get the job.

Ok, Danielle. We get it. But if I’m not supposed to put on a show and try to impress them, what am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to get the job?

I’m going to tell you a secret. It’s a secret I learned working at Boston University’s Career Development Center and from all of the interviews and conversations, David Cancel and Dave Gerhardt had about Hiring when I was working on Drift’s Seeking Wisdom podcast.

(P.S. This is one of my favorite Episodes of Seeking Wisdom. Patty McCord drops some amazing wisdom about hiring, firing, and people that really helped me understand what companies are looking for and how to be a better employee! 👇👇👇)

Recruiters aren’t necessarily looking for the person with the most experience or awards. More often than not, good recruiters look for the person who’s honest, hardworking, and capable of learning and growing.

When you walk into an interview and put on a show, you’re not actually presenting yourself as confident and experienced. You’re actually presenting yourself as dishonest and egotistical.

Recruiters would rather hire the kid who’s willing to learn and grow over the kid with the 4.0 GPA who’s president of everything if it seems like that kid has an ego.

It’s graduation season. I know a lot of 22-year-olds who are interviewing and looking for their first job out of college. If you’re one of those people, or even if you’re older, more experienced and looking for a new opportunity, here’s what you should do the next time you have an interview:

Just be yourself!

Interviews are kind of like first dates. Just like first dates, the recruiter is looking for more than what makes you qualified on paper. They want to see what you’re passionate about and if you and the company would have a genuine, compatible connection.

Don’t just talk about what you’ve done, but talk about why you’ve done the things that you’ve done. This is the recruiters chance to get to know you as a person. Why do you love the things that you love? How do your passions apply to the position and the company? Just be real!

And if you do all of that and don’t get the job, then it might be because you weren’t the right fit for the company, and the company wasn’t the right fit for you. Just like you’re not meant to date everyone you go out with, you’re not meant to work at every company you interview for. So don’t be discouraged the next time you get a rejection letter. Think of it as your opportunity to find your perfect match.

Struggling to find your way after graduating? Bored with your 9-5 that seems to be going nowhere? Check out Danielle’s Bestselling book, Figure Your Sh*t Out, available on amazon!

Have a good story about job interviews, career development, or personal growth? E-Mail me at danielle@epiqmedia.com. I’d love to hear your stories and thoughts!

Whether you’re starting a new job in a new field, or just want to learn something new for fun, here’s how to master any new field, fast.

Imagine it’s your first day at a new job. You know all of the ins-and-outs of the job function. But you’ve spent the past few years working in the dogfood industry, and now you’re working at NASA!

Your first assignment? Write an educational guide to rocket science.

“Woah. I remember a little bit about the solar system unit from 8th grade science—but that’s about it. How am I supposed to become an expert rocket scientist in a week?”

-Probably most people in this situation

Sounds scary, right?

While that specific scenario may be slightly melodramatic (I’m a theatre kid, I couldn’t help myself), I’m sure you’ve faced something similar before. I know I have.

Whether you switched career paths, industries, or just got a new job in a similar field, starting at a new company means there’s a lot of learning to be done.

In fact, the very reason I’m writing this is because a little over a year ago, I started a new job in a field that I wasn’t well acquainted with: UX research.

I’m a marketer, coming from Drift, which just so happens to be a marketing platform. So the learning curve wasn’t as steep since I was already knowledgeable about marketing. This made jumping in and delivering content from the get-go a lot easier.

But when I started my new job as a content creator at User Interviews (woohoo! 🎉), I knew I couldn’t start writing about something I knew so little about, so I wanted to ramp up and learn the basics as fast as possible.

Fortunately, I had an awesome manager, Erin May, who understands the importance of learning, who told me something at the beginning of the week that was both reassuring and inspiring:

“The first 90 days on any job are all about learning. You’ll contribute as you learn, but you won’t get that time back. So it’s ok to spend a lot of time these next few weeks doing a ton of research, reading, and learning.”

So that’s exactly what I did.

There are no shortcuts to learning. It takes hard work, time, and experience. But, a couple of weeks into the job, I’m proud to say I knew a heck of a lot about UX research.

It doesn’t matter if you’re a UX researcher, a marketer, or a rocket scientist. It doesn’t matter if it’s your first day or 15th year on the job: There’s always more to learn.

Want to be a self-learner? Here are the 8 things you can do to learn any new skill or field, fast.

#1 – Use Google Search to Be a Researcher

The internet is your friend! This is going to sound incredibly obvious, but start by doing a broad google search of your topic, and get a general feel for the subject or field. And start with the simplest search possible. For instance, I started by searching: “What Is UX research?”

I know it’s tempting to try to take shortcuts and jump right into the weeds with what you’re trying to learn, but you have to learn to walk before you can run. If you search “how to build a fuel system in a rocket ship, chances are you’re going to miss some things if you don’t know how a rocket ship functions as a whole.

After you know what a rocket ship is and does, you can learn about the different parts of the rocket. Pick out the key subjects from the articles you read in the beginning stages of your online research, and search each of those key things individually. Once you understand each part, you’ll be able to put the pieces together and understand the subject more thoroughly, as a whole.

You’ve learned the basics. You know about all of the subjects, parts, and ideas within your general field. Now you can start getting as specific as you’d like.

#2 – Try Explaining Your Topic To a Friend

The best way to learn, is to teach! You just did a bunch of research, but how much did you actually retain?

When I was researching UX research (how meta!), I started to feel a little overwhelmed with all of this new information, and it was hard to gauge what I was retaining and where I needed to put in some extra time. So, I called my mom who’s never even heard of UX research and tried to teach her about the topic. Even after just 10 minutes of conversation, it was clear that I had a grasp on research methods, but needed to spend more time learning about research deliverables.

Find a friend who knows nothing about the topic and see if you can explain it to them. This will help you figure out what you’re understanding and what you still need to do some more research on. Plus, the conversation may even spark new questions and ideas that you wouldn’t have thought of on your own.

#3 – Talk To An Expert

Once you’ve talked to a novice, you’re ready to talk to someone who knows a ton about the topic you’re learning!

There are thousands of people out there who are already experts in whatever you’re trying to become an expert in. Whether it’s someone you admire in the field, a colleague, or even the author of something you read online, reach out to someone who already has knowledge and experience in the field you’re studying.

I ended up video chatting with three different UX researchers, and my conversations were invaluable. Talking to them reinforced what I learned online, opened my mind to new insights and ideas, cleared up things I misunderstood, and answered some questions that had been on my mind.

I also recorded my interviews with them and had the videos transcribed, so now I can go back and reference the conversation the same way I would a book or article. (If you’re looking to do this but don’t know how, I used an app called Snagit to record the video chat and Rev for transcription, but there are tons of different tools out there that accomplish the same thing.)

It may seem scary to reach out to a stranger, but I promise that someone, somewhere will respond and help you out. If you’re not sure where to look, a great place to start is at your very own company! My manager Erin, knew tons of UX researchers that were thrilled to speak with me.

Even talking to Erin herself was a helpful tool. Chances are, your coworkers are experts themselves. Don’t be afraid to ask questions and have one on one conversations with people on your team. They’re there to guide you!

But on the off chance that no one at your company can help you, or if you’re just looking to learn something on your own, a great place to look is LinkedIn. If you just message professionals you admire and tell them that you’re new to the field and would love to just hop on a 30-minute call and ask them some questions, I guarantee you that someone will say yes. After all, they’ve been in your shoes before, so they understand.

#4 – Read A Book Or Two

The internet is great and all, but if you want to really master a topic, books are a great way to do that. Books tend to go way more in-depth than articles or blog posts, and are convenient and focused since the goal is to put the best information in one place.

If you’re not sure what book to read, try asking your manager or someone you’ve reached out to on LinkedIn. Chances are, someone who’s been doing something for a while will have read a good book or two on the subject.

While getting a personal recommendation from someone is ideal, you can also try posting on LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter, or even Reddit and see if anyone has any suggestions. You may be surprised by who has a great suggestion.

And last but certainly not least, you can always just go to your local bookstore and see what they have in stock! Skim through some books while you’re there and see if it’s what you’re looking for, or scroll through the Barnes & Noble website and look at online reviews.

Or very simply, you can google “best books about UX research”. When I did this, there were tons of things to choose from. I ended up choosing the book Just Enough Research by Erika Hall, because a UX researcher I spoke to recommended it.

#5 – Watch Some YouTube Videos

You might get tired of reading after a while, so why not try a video? There are literally billions of videos on YouTube, and chances are, a few of those videos are about your topic of choice.

Depending on the subject, visual aid and demonstration can actually help you learn the information faster, and remember it for longer. There’s a whole part of our brain dedicated to visuals, so it’s easy for us as humans to comprehend informational visually. The same can be said for the auditory aspect of video. Why do you think Netflix, Spotify and Podcasts are so popular?!

After simply searching “UX research” on YouTube, I found a couple of channels that are completely dedicated to UX research. When I got tired of reading, or had to make lunch, I found a video, pressed play, and just watched and listened. As expected, it was a great way to keep learning, without overworking myself.

#6 – Get Some Hands On Experience

There are some things that are best learned by just doing the thing itself.

I recently decided to learn Python. I read articles, watched YouTube videos, but at the end of the day, I wasn’t going to learn how to write code unless I sat down and actually practiced writing code.

While there’s plenty to learn about UX research without being an actual researcher, I definitely had a better understanding of what UX researchers do every day after conducting my very own generative research study.

Learning by doing is one of the ways humans are designed to learn. Remember in high school when you had to memorize a bunch of facts for a test, and then forgot absolutely everything the second the test was over? That’s because your brain needs to put things in context in order to retain them.

Hands on learning also lets you experience different feelings and emotions that you can’t get by reading about something. By conducting actual UX research, I got to experience the excitement of talking to participants, the gratification after completing a project, and all of the pain-points in-between.

#7 – Keep Track Of The Key Things

Throughout the entire learning process, take notes on key topics, words, phrases, or any piece of information that you think might be important down the line.

Why? Because we’re human and we forget things.

I promise you that if you rely on your memory alone, you’ll forget a lot. Keeping written notes will ensure you can go back and reference anything you found helpful or important. And if you’re a linguistic or logical learner, writing things down will actually help you retain the information itself.

There are lots of different apps that can help you organize your research. Here’s a helpful write up I found on different software designed specifically for note taking! Personally, I use an app called Workflowy. That way, I can organize my thoughts and key findings into sections, subsections, and even sub-sections of the subsections. You can also do this with standard word processing programs like Google Docs, Pages, or Word, — whatever you prefer! But keeping written notes will ensure you can go back and reference anything you found helpful or important.

Here’s an example of what my notes doc looked like after a few days on the job:

#8 – Find Ways To Connect Your Personal Expertise and Interests to Your New Field

Trying to master a subject or skill takes a lot of time, work, and passion. Hopefully the thing you’re trying to master is something you’re passionate about, but if not, it’s going to make the whole process a little more strenuous.

But even if it’s not the exact thing you’re passionate about, try to find something about the topic that gets you really excited. You may be surprised by how much you connect to something once you dig a little deeper.

Before I started working for User Interviews (I actually started here as a sales intern a few months ago), I knew next to nothing about UX research. So if you would have asked me if I was passionate about the topic back then, I would have said, “No, I barely even know what that is!”

But once I really started reading and learning about UX research, I realized it aligned pretty perfectly with one of the things that I’m MOST passionate about: human behavior.

I’ve studied screenwriting, psychology, and acting in a formal college setting, and I’ve been working in marketing for a few years now. What do all of those things have in common? They’re all a study of human behavior. So you can imagine how excited I was to find this new subject called UX research, that at its core, was also centered around human behavior!

So don’t fret if your new job at NASA doesn’t appear to have anything in common with your passion or expertise in dog food, be open-minded in your research and discovery.

Whether you’re learning something for fun or because you have to for a new job, find something about the subject that really gets you excited. Because at the end of the day, the more interested you are in a subject, the faster and easier it will be to master it.

Everyone’s heard stories of intense addictions or obsessions at some time or another. We’ve had a close friend that went to rehab to treat their anorexia, or a cousin that goes to AA. Even a friend who got so into a job or a hobby that it seemed to consume their sense of being. These are all addictions, and whether it’s minor or life threatening, addictions are medical conditions.

An addiction can be described as a “medical condition characterized by compulsive engagement in rewarding stimuli, despite adverse consequences.” While mental health related medical conditions are often viewed with a stigma or difficult for society to grasp scientifically, the brain is a more mechanical organ than some people realize — and psychology and trauma can cause biological “damage,” like a tumor or a broken arm.

Medical Explanation:
“Addiction affects neurotransmission and interactions within reward structures of the brain, including the nucleus accumbens, anterior cingulate cortex, basal forebrain, and amygdala, such that motivational hierarchies are altered and addictive behaviors, which may or may not include alcohol and other drug use, supplant healthy, self-care related behaviors. Addiction also affects neurotransmission and interactions between cortical and hippocampal circuits and brain reward structures, such that the memory of previous exposures to rewards (such as food, sex, alcohol and other drugs) leads to a biological and behavioral response to external cues, in turn triggering craving and/or engagement in addictive behaviors.”

In laymans terms, the triggering of certain neurotransmitters effects your brain’s “reward system,” which gives you a chemical desire to repeat the behavior to reactivate the reward system. This explains the addictive desire to continue, recreate, and revisit emotionally intense relationships. What’s seen as unhealthy from an outside perspective may be what the brain physically craves.

In other words, there is a science to what we emotionally perceive as love.

The same neurotransmitters that effect alcoholics, drug users, and other commonly recognized addictions are involved in the stage of love where a strong attraction develops — adrenaline, dopamine, and serotonin. Sound familiar? Low amounts of these transmitters are associated with depressive and anxiety disorders. No wonder breakups and loss of love makes people so physically upset.

That is also why it’s so difficult to fall out of a pattern of unhealthy relationships. Once your psyche is exposed to that level of emotional intensity, your brain craves that feeling and tries to recreate it.

This is especially common amongst people who experienced prolonged periods of stress as a child, especially when due to physical, sexual, and emotional abuse or neglect. A child’s relationship with a caregiver or parental figure often creates the backbone for their future relationships. So it makes sense that victims of childhood adversity are prone to abusive relationships and even certain personality disorders that effect the relationships they seek.

If you or someone you know is in an abusive or emotionally intense relationship but can’t seem to get out of it, it’s not because they’re weak willed or dumb or even blinded by love — it’s a physical addiction.

So does this mean that becoming accustom to emotional intensity makes you forever incapable of being happy in a healthy relationship? Absolutely not. Just like any other addiction, this is something you can recover from with hard work and mindfulness. Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy is an effective place to start. This approach helps patients recognize their unhealthy thought patterns and behaviors. Understanding how your thought process and personal experiences effect you can be a key element in reshaping your feelings, behavior, and relationships. After-all, how can one overcome an addiction if they don’t recognize that they have one?

Addictions such as alcoholism are widely recognized as a medical condition, and as the late Carrie Fischer described her alcoholism, it’s like being allergic to something. If you’ve found yourself in a pattern of emotional intensity, the causes are quite logical from a biological perspective. Treat it just like any other medical condition. Give your broken arm the right amount of rest, treatment, and attention and eventually you’ll be able to use it again.